Do you have a filter for saying YES and NO? You should.

YES.

We feel the pressure to say it. We feel badly when we don’t. We love when people tell us YES, but we often hate saying it to others. It’s a cheap word in our culture that often comes at a high price later. Each yes we give is a commitment, either once or ongoing. Because of un-analyzed Yes’s many people are drowning in commitments, even good ones.

NO.

It’s a powerful word. Toddlers use it too much, but we don’t use it enough. Our Stay Forth coaches grant leaders permission to say NO when it doesn’t directly line up with their role or their priorities. People who understand their priorities and have the guts to reinforce them say NO a lot.

During our Leadership Coaching process we often help clients develop a filter for giving a firm YES or NO. It takes some work to analyze our decisions before giving an answer, but it can lead to us giving a confident YES to the best opportunities.

Some questions to consider with a new opportunity…

Does this align with my overall priorities? Why or why not?

Does this align with my priorities for this season? Why or why not?

Does this align with the role I am stewarding? Why or why not?

Would someone else be a better fit for this than me?

What exactly would this cost me? (time, energy, money, evenings, sleep, etc)

Could I focus fully on stewarding this opportunity?

Some thoughts to consider with your NO’s…

Creating your NO response ahead of time takes emotion out of the equation.

You don’t have to be a jerk when saying NO. Clear is kind. 

It might not be NO forever, but for this season. Maybe it’s a “not right now”. 

You may not have the ability to say yes for your team or organization. Get input.

If you pause, get the details and get feedback from others you’ll make a better decision.

It’s much easier to say NO up front than to back out later. 

A proper NO clears the good things to leave space for the great things. 

Some thoughts to consider with your YES’s…

Do the work to know the dream opportunities you really want to say YES to.

If you pause, get the details and get feedback from others you’ll make a better decision.

In order to commit you may need to ask for more information and more time.

If your time is tight look for great opportunities, not good ones. 

Everything in life is a tradeoff, so you’ll have to sacrifice something for a YES. 

Why does this matter?

We want to give a confident and enthusiastic YES, and a clear NO.

Our default setting is usually YES until we are exhausted or overwhelmed, and then we begin to say NO by sheer desperation.

People respect others who live by their priorities, even if they don’t agree.

SO many people are living overwhelmed and heading toward burnout.

We need to invest our best energy to the things that truly matter.

There’s freedom in saying NO. We aren’t slaves to others ideas for us.
SO many people are living overwhelmed and heading toward burnout.

Very few leaders have a filter for saying YES and NO. Spend some time developing your filter ahead of time, before you’re feeling the emotion of the moment pulling on you. Feel free to use our questions above. v