5 years ago I celebrated Fathers Day by staying up all night in a dingy hotel room in Ethiopia swatting mosquitos and watching Arabic TV. Welcome to dadhood. I was exhausted, excited and terrified to meet my kids the next day. This year I celebrated “Gotcha Day” on Father’s Day with our two adopted kids, two biological kids and my two adopted nephews. It was an epic day.

Fathers Day got me reflecting on this miracle of adoption, one that came to me in an unlikely way. As we are now 5+ years removed from the adoption process I realize even some of our closest friends have never actually heard about our road to adoption. Here’s a little family history that led us to one of the greatest and hardest things we’ve ever done.

February 21st, 2009

I was sitting in the car alone. The letter Julie had given me was burning a hole through the dashboard. It looked serious. 

What kind of bomb is she going to drop on me? 

I thought the worst, of course. We had been dating about five months, and I was saving for a ring. With sweaty palms and a heart pounding like a jackhammer I opened the letter.

“God has made me to mother orphans“. 

That’s pretty much the summary, but I knew it was only the intro. It was really quite simple; If I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Julie I would be a father to orphans. She had mentioned this jokingly before. Apparently it wasn’t a joke. I had always been attracted to her deep heart for those Jesus nicknamed “the least of these.” July has a better practical theology than I do, because she had come to understand Jesus wasn’t kidding when he said “the least will be the greatest” and James talked about true religion being aimed at widows and orphans. 

In that moment I pictured my kids looking different than me for the first time. I no longer envisioned pale blond boys with azure eyes, but the multicolored family canvas that God would be painting our future on. I must also mention that Julie is one of the most relaxed and easy-going people I know, and I had not seen her put her foot down this way before. In her own words she was saying “If you marry me you are going to have to adopt. If not, we don’t have a deal.”

Although not every moment has been simple or easy, I am so excited to be part of this amazing process. It is no longer Julie’s dream but OUR dream. I have heard it said that married couples don’t just occupy a house and a bed; they occupy a common calling. I love that. We share this dream and we will share the joy, hard work, cost, and weight of both adopting kids and raising them.

My brother and sister-in-law took part in the miracle of adoption just over two years ago. Little did we know J.R. and I would share this common bond. My parents never dreamed that nearly all their grandkids would not have her genes, her son’s smile, or her daughter-in-law’s eyes. Life is full of surprises!

We have decided to adopt two siblings from Ethiopia who share a common story. Most of this process seems scary, but the flavor of scary that feels very close to God’s heart.

The process took about 18 months. It cost a lot of money. It was hard, really hard for the first 6 months when our kids were learning the language and family rhythms and trust. I can’t imagine life without them now. They are extraordinary, yet very normal, kids. Like any kids they stretch my patience, but I love them deeply. They are generous and selfish, and that clashes with my own generosity and selfishness at times. After being part of both the miracle of adoption and the miracle raising biological children I can say being a father is one of the greatest honors of my life.