I had a friend growing up who was kind of a bully. He was accidentally insensitive and aggressive. He shut down conversations and added his fair share of awkward moments. I was left with one choice; stop inviting him into certain situations.
For the last few years I have been plagued by this thought; the Church has become an accidental bully. As a pastor this grieves me. We didn’t set out to land here, but something needs to change. We desperately need to journey out of antagonism and forge a different path. People feel alienated by our churches, so they are quietly exiting stage left.
What’s missing?
For the last couple years I’ve been trying to put my finger on it. it’s become a call of sorts. I roll out of bed early to meditate, study and write about it. I have interviewed over forty people about this missing element. Dignity.
I have sat across the table from strippers, doctors, pastors, cancer patients, single mothers, and many more with two simple questions; “What is dignity?” and “Where do you find your dignity?”
I’ve heard a diverse spread of definitions. Parents gained dignity by their kids behavior or performance in schools and sports. Young professionals pointed to their degrees, salary, tinder swipes and cars. A cancer patient lost dignity as she lost her hair. Pastors shared how full worship centers and retweets yielded dignity. Much to my surprise I arrived at my definition of dignity from an unexpected person.
Sue grew up as a pastor’s kid. She is currently an exotic dancer at a local club. She welcomed my two questions. She shared, “Dignity is my inherent value as a daughter of God.” I was blown away; a dang good answer! She reverted back to the pastor’s kid answer she thought I was looking for. Then she shared that while she was growing up her father dignified his church and the parishioners of his church substantially more than her and her mother. That led her to act out. From then on she only heard how undignified she was from her father and those at their church. She later got involved in drugs, got pregnant as a teen, and became an exotic dancer.
Sue feels most dignified when she is dancing. She feels special, valuable, beautiful. She shared confidently that she is dignified by the men she lives with who have financially supported her. I was heartbroken for my sister. Brothers and sisters, are we okay that our sister is finding her dignity dancing on a pole and not from our pulpits and the community in our churches? The “Sue” in your city deserves dignity. We can provide a much better option for where she can receive it.
How do we reclaim a dignifying culture in our faith communities? I see three steps we can take toward this…
- Recognize threads of dignity throughout God’s story
Let’s start at the beginning of humanity. In the Garden of Eden Adam and Eve experienced deep dignity by walking with God in intimacy and safety. Then the serpent convinced them they we weren’t as dignified as God told them. They should have full rights to eat from that tree. God, with a broken heart, asks Adam and Eve, “Who told you you were naked?”…seemingly asking, “Who told you you were undignified?” Following the garden men pursued dignity through promises of legacy and land like Abraham and Moses. The prophets pointed to the Dignifier that would rebuild cities, make strangers family, make wrong become right. Jesus, God incarnate, dignified everyone he came in contact with.
The final snapshot in Revelation is a dinner table overflowing with dignitg. There are seats for every tribe and nation, tongue and hair style; all are honored guest in the presence of our God.
God is our Dignifier and has given us the opportunity to remind those in our circles of their God-given dignity. The dignity we can give is nothing compared to their inherent value as a son or daughter of God. Our leadership, sermons and programs should point to that over and over again!
- Follow Jesus’ daring example as Dignifier
As I have fallen in love with Jesus’ character I discovered something that moved me deeply; Jesus ministered to people’s dignity before he provided for their need. Think about these stories…
– Jesus dignifies Hebrew culture’s dropouts as he calls the disciples out of their fishing boats and into ministry (Matthew 4)
- Instead of running away from the chronically bleeding woman yelling, “Unclean, unclean, unclean!”, he is touched by her faith-filled reach, and she is healed (Luke 8)
- Jesus dignified the leper’s identity of uncleanliness (Matthew 8)
- Jesus “broke” the religious rules of keeping the Sabbath to heal a woman who was twisted and staring at the ground, possessed by an evil spirit (Luke 13)
- Jesus offered dignity to the robber next to him on the cross with a clear invitation. (Luke 23)
- Jesus defined reality for the woman at the well, recalling her past but focusing more on her identity. She ran back to her village claiming that she met a man who truly knew her! (John 4)
- Jesus healed a man who ran wild in a graveyard, terrifying everyone around him, and he invited him to a meal. (Mark 5)
- Jesus hushed the crowd telling the blind beggar to shut up so he could ask him what he could do for him (Luke 18)
- In a perplexing show of dignity Jesus even honored Judas after he betrayed him. (John 13)
How many times have we read these stories but skipped over the dignity Jesus was dispensing? These examples should shape our dignity to-do list.
- Realize we have been dignified
We’ve been benefactors of Jesus’ dignity. Romans 5:6-8 preaches the Best News the world has ever heard, “For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
We’ve all heard the mantra; “hurt people hurt people”. I also believe this; “dignified people dignify people”.
So, what’s the lynchpin to dispensing dignity? Gratefulness. Leading a dignity movement will require gratefulness over giftedness. When we are grateful the entitlement dissipates and we can operate with dignity.
There’s no ten step plan for a dignity movement. It starts with examining our hearts and the culture we’ve helped to create. Be honest with these questions and ask them to your team…
Am I truly grateful to God for all He has given me?
Who do I have a unique opportunity to dignify?
How will I dignify them?
In what practical ways can our church become a dignity dispenser?
How can we create practical opportunities to dignify those in our community?
Zach Meerkreebs is a church planter, a leadership catalyst and one of our coaches on our Stay Forth team