Let’s face it; North Americans are calculated and driven people. Our businesses and non-profits focus highly on living out mission and creating certain results. We have to understand what “counts” when living out incarnational mission and faithful presence or we will be chasing the wind. If staying forth is the new future we want to help create we will have to leave some old measurements behind and design some new ones. Here are a few places to start in your journey to “dwell well”.
Dirty carpet. The other day I found myself getting frustrated at how often we have to get our carpets steam cleaned. As I thought about this I realized, “This is a great problem to have!” My kids don’t do all of this, it’s from regularly opening our home to a lot of people.”
Counting question: How many people enter your house in the course of a month? How many of those people don’t know Jesus? How many of those people experienced God Kingdom and a community of people?
Lingering. We all know the feeling of people lingering too long in our home. Sometimes this is too much and it’s time to get direct about people heading out. I have learned to appreciate the lingering process. Learn to linger well my friends! Lingering is a sign others are comfortable enough to stay when everyone else has gone. People often linger because they want to ask deeper questions than the social environment would allow.
Counting question: How many people have lingered in your home this month?
Last minute favors. American life embodies two things in regards to community; private and planned. We have to plan our lives and time with people or they will plan us, but there’s another side to this coin. We know we are getting close to others when they call us in the moment needing help. Whether it’s helping with spur-of-the-moment childcare, moving help, lending a lawn mover or bringing over some sugar these can be opportunties. You know people are getting comfortable with you when they start to inconvenience you.
Counting question: How many last minute favors have friends and neighbors asked you to do this month?
Meals. Perhaps the best investment of time and money we can make is in eating meals together. People connect over food, so lunches and dinner parties can be a great launching pad for gaining relational equity.
Counting question: How many meals have you shared with people far from the Church this month?
Intentionally missed opportunities. In a world of upward mobility you will likely be offered jobs elsewhere and given the opportunity to relocate. It’s easy to accept these without thought, because it’s natural to believe promotion is the natural way to success. What if we viewed these decisions through an incarnational lens. We should consider how many relationships we would need to step out of and how much relational equity we would be forfeiting.
Counting question: How many times have you denied a “better” opportunity elsewhere because you have meaningful roots?
Seized opportunities. We also need to be ready to grab fruitful opportunities that present themselves. Tragedy, health issues, off-the-cuff conversations and vulnerability can lead us to unpredictable situations. In the tension and uncertainty of these moments there are usually off-the-grid gospel opportunities that can bear much fruit.
Counting question: How many awkward opportunities have you seized for the sake of embodying and proclaiming the gospel?
Invitations to community boards. Chalk it up as a success when you get invited onto a board in your community. This means you are viewed not just as one of the community but one for your community. Someone sees you as an advocate! Fight through the busyness and try to rearrange your life so you can accept the role.
Counting question: How many invitations have you had to serve on a community board?
Celebrations. Every human desires to be celebrated. Birthdays, wedding anniversaries, sobriety anniversaries, out-of-debt parties, retirement parties, garden harvest celebrations and adoption “gotcha days” are only the tip of the iceberg. We need to be masters of creating reasons to make a big deal about people. I’ll never forget celebrating our long-time mailman, Jake’s, retirement. Jake stayed well, served faithfully, and was more than just a postman. He cared deeply about people, and people care deeply about him. Neighbors started a campaign collecting money to buy Jake and his wife gift cards. Our community of missionaries threw a block party to honor Jake. He shed a few tears that night.
Counting question: How have you creatively celebrated those around you?
Make sure to get creative and add some metrics of your own. I talk about this more extensively in my book Staying is the new Going.